Was in a hotel elevator the other day and saw two signs.

One said: Maximum occupancy – 13 persons

The other said – Maximum weight – 4000 pounds

So presumably 13 300 pound people could be on the elevator together.

Awkward.

Last Thursday at breakfast the question was: “If you could go anywhere on your honeymoon, where would you go?” when this exchange happened:

Freshman guy: I’d go to Africa

Me: Why Africa?

Freshman guy: Africa has everything, and it’d be awesome to go to the desert.

Me: What would you do with your new bride in the desert?

Freshman guy: We’d ride dune buggies!

Me: That is one lucky girl.

They said it couldn’t be done…

True story I saw in the news this week, amazing display of confidence/stupidity:

Police: Robber Returned To Ask Victim For Date

COLUMBUS, Ohio — Police said they arrested a suspected robber on Sunday after he returned to his victim’s home to ask her out on a date.
 
According to investigators, Stephfon Bennett was one of three men who robbed a couple on the city’s north side late Sunday night, 10TV News reported.
 
Less than two hours after the robbery, police said that Bennett, 20, returned to the home and asked Diana Martinez out on a date.
 
“We are not exactly sure what he was thinking at the time,” said Columbus police Sgt. Sean Laird. “She recognized him right away when he returned and was able to have her cousin call 911.”

 Martinez told 10TV News that Bennett asked her if she had a boyfriend and wanted to go out on a date.

“It’s never happened, in my eight years and some months I’ve never had anything like this before,” Laird said.
 
Officers arrived and arrested Bennett in front of the house, police said.
 
He faces aggravated robbery charges.

Was in the drive-thru at Arby’s the other day when I saw a sign promoting their 5 for $5 roast beef sandwiches.

Then in the fine print on the sign I saw *Limit 250 sandwiches per customer.

You know, for those times when 100 sandwiches just don’t fill you.

I recently discovered what I believe to be the only downside to having extravagant facial hair:  the inability to make impressive flatulence noises by pressing your mouth on your upper arm and violently exhaling. The facial hair prevents good (and necessary) suction.

The other day I was doing some cleaning/straightening up and I found $80 underneath the guest bedroom bed. No one has stayed in that room in almost a year.

I think my guest bedroom may be being used for drug pickups and drops.

Thanks to Clustrmaps, I am able to see where people who click my blog are from. For approximately the past year, this (below) is where people who visited Wisdom for the People are from. I find this both fascinating and bizarre, that in the top ten are the Czech Republic and Thailand, and that at some random moment in time 1 person in places like Ecuador, Nigeria, and Barbados checked out Wisdom for the People. Join the revolution!

United States (US)	4,803
United Kingdom (GB)	145
Canada (CA)	126
Netherlands (NL)	76
Italy (IT)	62
Czech Republic (CZ)	55
Thailand (TH)	47
France (FR)	42
Belgium (BE)	35
Australia (AU)	32
Germany (DE)	30
Brazil (BR)	25
Mexico (MX)	24
Spain (ES)	14
Switzerland (CH)	12
Indonesia (ID)	12
Poland (PL)	12
Sweden (SE)	11
Singapore (SG)	10
Puerto Rico (PR)	10
Ireland (IE)	8
Portugal (PT)	8
India (IN)	8
New Zealand (NZ)	7
Korea, Republic of (KR)	7
Israel (IL)	6
South Africa (ZA)	5
Hungary (HU)	5
Kuwait (KW)	5
Croatia (HR)	5
Lithuania (LT)	5
Venezuela (VE)	5
Philippines (PH)	5
Finland (FI)	5
Serbia (RS)	4
Norway (NO)	4
Iran, Islamic Republic of (IR)	4
Macedonia (MK)	4
Denmark (DK)	4
Chile (CL)	4
Greece (GR)	3
Colombia (CO)	3
Austria (AT)	3
Japan (JP)	3
Argentina (AR)	3
Dominican Republic (DO)	3
Senegal (SN)	3
Malaysia (MY)	3
Egypt (EG)	3
Latvia (LV)	2
Kenya (KE)	2
Bosnia and Herzegovina (BA)	2
Bulgaria (BG)	2
Trinidad and Tobago (TT)	2
Turkey (TR)	2
Lebanon (LB)	2
Hong Kong (HK)	1
Kazakstan (KZ)	1
Oman (OM)	1
Pakistan (PK)	1
Uruguay (UY)	1
Costa Rica (CR)	1
Barbados (BB)	1
Faroe Islands (FO)	1
Belize (BZ)	1
Estonia (EE)	1
Peru (PE)	1
Vietnam (VN)	1
Taiwan (TW)	1
Maldives (MV)	1
Slovenia (SI)	1
Cyprus (CY)	1
Tunisia (TN)	1
Nigeria (NG)	1
Saint Pierre and Miquelon (PM)	1
Moldova, Republic of (MD)	1
Guam (GU)	1
Slovakia (SK)	1
Qatar (QA)	1
Morocco (MA)	1
Ecuador (EC)	1

I got a check in the mail today for 49 cents.

 

Like a Boss.

 

PS – the check was not from Sonic.

Went to Sonic tonight and got a large Oreo Sonic Blast, which costs $3.22 with tax.

The girl came to the car window and I gave her $3.25. Then she said thanks and walked away.

What about my 3 cents?

Did she look at me and assume that I am real cheap and that was her tip? Did she think I just don’t care about money?

Someone owes me 3 cents.