My workplace recently installed a “waterfree” urinal in the restroom I most frequently use. Some may call this “science” or “progress”, but I’m pretty sure it’s some sort of voodoo magic.

Below is the alleged means by which it works:

I was eating at Noodles and Company the other day when I noticed a small plastic bag with a contraption inside called a “Chopstick Helper”.

Forgive me for jumping to conclusions, but I already have a great chopstick helper, and it’s called a fork.

Among the top 5 or so on the list of Unpleasant Things Normal People Have To Do At Least Occasionally is clean dog poop off of your shoes.

Unclogging the toilet would have to be up there too. Any other suggestions?

You know life has changed when you go from having one non-descript bottle of shampoo in the shower to having 11 colorful bottles of who knows what with phrases like “creamy cocolada” and “eau de rose” on the bottles.

It’s like my one bottle is Australia going against the entire continent of Asia in a game of Risk.

The Philadelphia Phillies advanced to the World Series with their victory last night when this special moment was caught on camera:

Our workplace recently got an award from the American Heart Association for being a very “fit” workplace. The local NBC news came out and filmed a short segment. As part of that segment they filmed some of us walking around the outside of the building acting like we were exercising.

However when I watched the news the only clip I saw of myself was one that showed my torso and legs walking, no face shot.

My fear is that they are planning to use that footage sometime later on as the stock footage for a clip on obesity. You know, the one where they show random clips of somebody (just from the stomach-down) who has a gut walking around as they read statistics about how fat our nation is.

I’m sort of a big deal.

This is why I’m hot.

The plural of goose is geese.

What is the plural of moose?

I was in Eureka Springs, Arkansas a couple weeks ago eating at a Subway when I saw a couple Amish people walk-in, I mean white-beard and bonnet-wearing folks. They ordered sandwiches and then sat down.

Then they left Subway about the same time I did and in the parking lot I saw the man talking on a cell phone and then the two got into a Ford Aerostar minivan.

I felt cheated.

Below is an unrelated picture:

Was driving today when I saw a sign that read:

GIANT KIDS SALE

Now maybe it’s just me, but I don’t think anyone should be selling kids, regardless of their size.