You know when you’re at the doctor’s office and they ask you to list allergies? Well I have two that I always want to put but don’t want to create a fuss.

About once a year I’ll be at the mall looking at clothes (about how often I actually shop for clothes) and I’ll apparently touch some clothing item that makes my hands get puffy and red and be swollen for about 10 minutes. I have no clue what fabric type causes this, and it only happens in clothing stores, and only randomly.

Also, I have used the same Old Spice deodorant for about the past ten years, and if I try to use anything else I get a rash.

I can only conclude that Old Spice and the malls of america have hatched a diabolical scheme to torment me.